Sunday, November 03, 2013

Mama Said There Would be Days Like This

There are days when I don't feel so awesome. There are times when I don't know what I am doing with my life. I have times of doubt and times when I'm so tired of pushing that I'm seconds from walking away. There are moments when it all feels so meaningless. I have times when I feel like all I've done is make mistake after mistake and I'll never get it right. There are even times when all those words and promises that have been spoken over me, feel like lies or they were meant for someone else - someone better than me. 

Those are the moments, hours, days, and seasons when I have to step back and ask what God is saying over me. It's in those times I have look in God's face and remind myself that He doesn't make mistakes. I have to remind myself that I'm still learning and that it's okay to fall. I have to let go. 

I have to let go of plans and ideas. I have to let go of my timeline. I have to remember that even though my days are numbered that my days aren't coming to end just yet. I have to let go of what I thought should have happened by now and count all the things that have already happened.  I have to remind myself that I am not behind - I'm not running a race against my friends. Life isn't a  competition. 

It's so easy to get lost in what the world around me is feeling and to get sucked into those moments when I don't feel at my best. It would be so simple and easy to just stay in that pit. 

I've learned it's okay to not be okay, but it's not okay to stay that way. When the fog starts to set in, I've learned to shake it off and look up. I keep moving forward, especially when I don't feel like. I don't let what I feel decide how I act. I let my feelings show me when I need healing and then I move forward. I dig in deep with my Heavenly Father and let Him speak truth. I remind myself that those words and promises are for me, mistakes and all. The more and more healing I've gotten and fewer and fewer times I feel those things and the shorter and shorter those feelings stay. 

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