I don't need to be rescued, and I'm not sitting around waiting for prince charming or a knight in shiny armor to show up and save me from my boring, incomplete life. Ha! My life is FAR from boring and incomplete! I don't need a man to compete me, or save me, or even to fight my battles. I'm not saying that because I'm some super, ball-busting feminist, I'm saying it because I'm sick of being told that I NEED a man. Sure, one day I will fall in love and get married, and one day I will have a man to protect me and fight battles for me, but while I am waiting for him, I'm not lacking because I am single. I'm a complete person, and I'm not sitting here going grey, missing out on life. I do things and I go places and I hang out with friends and fill up my time. I am enjoying being single, and when I get married it's not going to be to “complete me” when I get married it's going to be two whole people becoming one. The bible doesn't say two halves becoming one but two shall become one. When I have children, I'm not going to sit there and tell them about how my life was boring and empty before I met their father but rather all the adventures, sometimes misadventures, that I had and the things I learned. I want my children to understand that being single is a joy and it's only a short season in their life. Think about it, if I live to be in my 80s or older and I get married in the next few years to decade, even, then most of my life will be spent married. When I look at it that way, I can't help but think about how short this time is in my life and that I want to enjoy it, so when I look back I will have no regrets.
That being said, at church, we've been doing a series called “He Said, She Said: The Battle of the Sexes” and today's message was taught by Polly Harrin and entitled, “Setting a Protection Plan” it was about setting security checkpoints in your marriage to safeguard it. It was a great message, and if you are married you should go here and listen to the podcast. However, if you are single, like me, you might think that it would have nothing for you, but I found it was packed full of things that could be applied to me or filed away until I need it when I am married. I also think it's a good thing to have a protection plan in place during my season of singleness, so I took Polly's list from this morning and made it my own.
I hope Polly doesn't mind, so here we go:
Security Checkpoint #1: Make Sure God is a Resident of Your Home and NOT a Guest
I think this applies to everyone. God should be the foundation and everything should flow from there. I won't even entertain the idea of dating a man who doesn't have God as the foundation of his life. God is the center of my life and I want a husband who has God the center of his life. I won't date someone who doesn't believe the way I do in regards to loving Christ and being involved in church. I won't date a man who says he is a Christian but it doesn't show outside of him being at church on Sunday. Also, because God is my foundation, if I get that feeling that something isn't right, I go with the feeling.
Security Checkpoint #2: Pray Everyday!
And then pray some more! Polly made a statement about praying for your husband and children because who else is going to pray everyday. I pray for both my future husband and children! Who says you have to wait until you get married to pray for your future spouse? Who says you have to wait until you are pregnant to pray for your children? I pray blessing over both and I pray that my husband is protected, and has favor in all he does, I pray for my future in laws, and I pray that my husband in growing into the man I need by my side. I pray that kids will be wise, and have favor. I even pray that they will be quick safe deliveries and easy pregnancies! I don't have time not to pray!
Security Checkpoint #3: Speak Life!
If you listened to the message I skipped one, but that's one I'll need later in life. Our words form worlds. I know that sounds like a lofty statement but we are made in the image of God (Genesis 1:26), God spoke the world into existence (Genesis 1:1-25), and we have the power of God in us (AKA the Holy Spirit), so from that it's easy to see that our words have more power than we ever thought! There are words that have made a point of striking from my vocabulary: hopeless, can't, and impossible – just to name a few. I am careful what I say over people, even in anger, when I'm frustrated, or hungry. I try to make of point of only letting life come from my lips. In this, I also watch to see how potential dates talk to those around them. How is he talking to his mom, his sister, his friends, his co-workers? How does is respond to a wrong order, talk to a waitress, and meet a stranger? How does he talk about people? All these things show how someone is going to talk about and treat me, and their future children, which could be mine future children, as well.
Security Checkpoint #4: Make Forgiveness and Grace Popular Words
Sometimes people hurt us, overlook us, forget us, and when have a choice, do we give grace and forgive or do we hold on to the hurt and anger? One leads to being joyful and the other to bitterness. It's either Kris Vallotton or Bill Johnson or, perhaps, Danny Silk that talks about forgiveness being you giving up your right for the other person punishment. Forgiveness is letting go, and letting go can be a powerful thing. It's saying, “You messed up but I'm not holding you to that anymore”, and letting there be grace for the other person. I want a man who's good at forgiving and giving grace! I want to be good at forgiving and giving grace! I don't want to be bitter and angry at the world, so I'm going to walk out forgiving the people who have hurt me and giving out grace to the ones who need it.
Security Checkpoint #5: Set Boundaries!!!!!!
I need to thank Justin Stockman for teaching all about boundaries and helping me figure out healthy boundaries in my life. I took what felt at the time a huge risk, talking to Justin, but I gained so much from it that it was worth the risk. Boundaries are different for different people, and that's great because no two people are a like and boundaries can change over time. I have boundaries in my life when it comes to married men, like, I don't hang out alone with them, or go out to eat, or ride in the car alone with them – it's a slippery slope and out of respect I don't go there. I don't have sleepovers with boys, even though nothing would happen, why put myself in that position? Boundaries are there to keep me safe, and for my future husband when I do meet him. I have boundaries for dating, and I want the man I date to respect those and have boundaries for himself. Self-control is an attractive quality for a man to have! It's okay to have boundaries, and put people on another planet, and be like “Love you, over there!” if someone is hurting you time after time, forgive them and stay away from them! So freeing, when I realized I didn't have to let a person who has hurt me time after time back into my life!
Security Checkpoint #6: Create a Faith-Filled Atmosphere
I want a man with crazy faith! I want his faith to be crazy enough that when he hears God say “leave everything and move” he moves. That's the kind of faith I try to have and I want a man who has that kind of faith too! I want the world around me to covered in the faith that I have, and so I want a man who's world matches that. There's no doubt in my mind, that God can still raise the dead and I want a man who believes that as well!