Thursday, February 21, 2013

"You observe my travels and my rest; You are aware of all my ways." Psalms 139:3

I feel like it is important to stress that my dream didn't die. It may seem that way with me having to move back to Georgia, and not getting to finish BSSD, but it didn't die. Plans and dreams both change sometimes and I'm on a journey with God that I wouldn't change if you paid me. I didn't give my dreams up when I moved back to Georgia either, nor did I give up on my dreams, nor do I count this as a failure.

Did it suck? Yes, it did. Did it hurt? Very much so, but you know what? I've learned to move through my pain and not get stuck in the suckyness of what happened. I'm here for a reason and even though I don't know the whole reason yet, I'm going to enjoy my time here. I'm not going to lock myself in my room and not move forward. I don't view this as a bump in the road, but God sending me where I need to be, and that this is a chapter in my story that is supposed to happen.

I don't fully know why I am here but I do know that I still have dreams and they didn't end with me coming back – God knows what my dreams are and He keeps reminding me to trust Him and so I will. I'm a dreamer at my very core and this hasn't stopped me from dreaming or wanting to go after those dreams. I still fully believe that I was supposed to move to Cali when I did, and that I heard God right, and that I obeyed. Maybe that was the lesson, obedience. I still don't fully understand and I may never fully understand.

Some amazing things have happened since moving back. I got to go to a conference put on by some of my favorite speakers and I gained a lot from being there. I got to hear some new speakers, and I learned a great deal from being there, and I made new friends. I also got loved on and reminded that I wasn't a failure, which even though I know this, I still need the reminder from time to time. I got to see dear, dear church family and was reminded by my Mor and Far that I am not a disappointment, it's something that I know in my head but my heart is a little behind at times.

Last week, I got to hold an amazing girl and remind her that she is loved. I won't go into all the gory details about what happened, but if that was the only reason why God wanted me back here it was worth it. I wish I could take all the pain away, but I know God is working her pain into something so beautiful that she is going to change the world. Again, if the only reason why I was needed her was to hold her while she cried and tell her the truth about the truth, it was worth it.

Sunday, one of my best friends got engaged and I was able to celebrate with her after it happened! I'm so happy and excited for her!!! I'm glad I am here to be apart of it. They are such an amazing couple and I am so blessed that the bride to be is one of my closet friends. I don't know what I would have done without her this past year. She was one of the first people that I spilled some of the things that I had kept locked away on and she has pushed toward healing and cheered me on as I have moved forward. She's also been a shoulder to cry on and one who has given me pep talks when I have needed them. I can't wait for July 13th to come so I can see her walk down the isle!

I'm settling in and still looking for a job, I found a small part time job and I start on Monday. It's still unclear what my next step will be but I'm going to be here through the summer at the very least. After that, who knows?

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