It seems like I keep waking up defeated. It's hard to get out of bed and face the world let alone look for a job. I feel like I'm being attacked by things unseen and I'm my own worse enemy. I feel like I've lost a battle when the battle hasn't even started. I wish I had some funny way to get out of this dark cloud that has been following me the last few days. Normally I'm good at taking a step back and seeing my world for several points of view but the past few days no matter how I look at my life I just want to tell myself that I suck at life.
I keep second guessing the choices I've made over the past few weeks even though I know I made the right ones. I know God has a purpose for my life and most of the time I can see the big picture but right now I'm having a hard time seeing the little picture. I don't know where God wants me or what he wants me to do. Figuring out what God wants is hard when you can't seem to get out in the world and try to find it.
I've been through this before. These are not new battles for me. I like to call them limbo times. I keep going through them and they keep getting easier. I mean I can get out of bed and leave the house which speaks a lot. I keep holding on to the hope that I go through these times for a reason. That maybe one day I can help somebody going through the same thing. Rainbows come after the rain right?
I keep telling myself that it's darkest before the dawn now if I can just remember that when I wake up in the morning.