Elephants...

For father's day Jamie Tworkowski posted a blog about Elephants in the room, and dealing with them. For those of you who don't know who Jamie is, he is the founder of To Write Love On Her Arms and a public speaker and he also believes in community and that every story matters. You can find the blog here. I love the honesty that is in it and how how he had the courage to talk about these issues. That blog had stuck with me for the past couple of weeks and it's in my mind tonight.

It's made me think of all the things in life that we don't talk about. All the things that we (my family and I or friends and I) act like didn't happen or the thing we pretend that we are okay with when we're not. I'm shocked with how fake we can be sometimes. How there are things that we will not talk about no matter what the cost. I'm guilty of it - there are parts of me that I will not talk about. I don't want to out of fear. I know big, bad Christina is afraid... shocking! The truth is once I talk about these "elephants" there is no going back, once something is said it's hard to take back.

However, I'm starting to wonder if it will be worth it to bring everything out into the light... if I will feel better. I guess there's parts that have been hidden and bottled up so long that I don't want to let go. See they've been with me so long... that I've grown used to the brokenness. I know that sounds silly, but it's true there are parts of my heart that I've given up on ever being fixed. Which sounds crazy knowing I believe in a God that can do and fix anything... a God that is bigger than I can wrap mind around even as I type this out I can't fathom what He as the ability to do.

Will I bring these things to light? It's easy to say 'Yes!' when I'm sitting alone in my dark room staring at a computer screen, however when the sun comes out and I look someone in the eye odds are my spine will disappear and I will go back to not talking about those things that need to be talked about. I'm really just a coward of a person if you really think about it. I talk big but sometimes that's all it is, a bunch of talk and very little action to back it up.