Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Loosing self.

I have been talking with a friend off and on for quite some months now about finding myself again. It's not that lost myself, but I lost sight of who I am and needed to rediscover it again. The last 18 months of my life have been journey, sometimes it felt like an up hill battle where all I wanted to do was give up and sometimes I wondered when it would get better. I'm happy to know that who I was is not who I am. People can change, and grow and turn into someone different than they were. The person I was last year at this time is not the person I am today. Granted I still hate banana flavored pops, and mostly will never like them, but the broken person I was last year is not the person I am today. I am still broken but not the same way I was.

I don't believe time heals all wounds, but it time does help. God heals the wounds over time. I'm still broken but less so. Last year at this time my heart was bleeding, and I had big questions, and I was pissed. I couldn't see past the pain and anger, but time, love and Jesus helped me get passed the anger and feel some sort of healing.

I don't know how to explain it, I just woke up one day in October and I was ready to talk to God, and go back to church. After that I began to rediscover and redefining who I was in Christ. It was a renewal of faith as well as self. I learned from past mistakes, and was ready to move on. I called YoungLife and was ready to become a leader again - I woke up and felt like I could take on the world.

My heart was still hurting, but I felt like it would no longer define me. I felt like I could finally over come it. My broken heart is still apart of me but it no longer who I am. I am saved my the blood Christ, I am forgiven, I am new, I am Christina, I am loved, I am.

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