Sunday, May 25, 2008

Flight Risk?

Even on my best days I am a flight risk. No despite what most people thought of me in high school I'm not out on bond awaiting a trail. I mean in the sense of life and friendships I tend to be a bit of a flight risk. In high school I would spend the better part of my day working to get out of this town and get as far away from it as I could get. Maine seemed like the perfect place... a good 18 or so hour drive from Georgia. I didn't go to college there but in a lot of ways I'm still like that crazy high school girl.

On a good day I can fight the urge to just pack my car and run away from this life and start over somewhere new. I really don't know why that is but I've felt that way since high school. I even felt that way when I was in Columbus but it wasn't quite as bad as it is/was in Buford. A friend once told me that I have a gypsy spirit, the way she said it sounded like it was her answer to everything about me. Funny I haven't thought about her saying that in a long time. As I sit here and think about it I wonder if it is true. I guess it would explain a lot.

On a bad day I start thinking about leaving and making mental to-do lists of things to do and sell. I start wondering what my boss would say if I just walked out and never came back with out calling. I start thinking about what I could sell and how far my car could get me before he broke down. I am aware that these are not normal thoughts however these are things that run through my mind. Since I am being honest, I'll even say (write) this: On a really bad day at work it takes everything I have to make myself go back after my lunch hour is over because I sit in my car for an hour planning the escape of the century.

I don't know why I feel like this... I can remember as a child always wondering what it was like living somewhere else. Maybe it's because my whole family has never lived anywhere but here and I don't want that. I mean maybe one day I will settle down here but there's so much I want to do before then.

No comments: