I was talking to a dear friend on the phone the other night and as we talked the conversation got past the normal surface things about our lives and onto the things we hide from everyday people. It's the part of a conversation that I love yet dread at the same time. I love it because it's the real part of a conversation, you know the part where you talk about your struggles and the problems you are facing but I dread it because it's showing the skeletons in your closet so to speak. It's the time where you have to be naked and sometimes it's just hard. You can almost always tell when it is coming... there's a change in tone and sometimes a question like "How are you really?". It was in my conversation with Tiffany that I confessed my hard time with reading my Bible. It's not that I am lacking in my faith, but I'm lacking in spending time with God and His word. It's at the hardest times in my life where I find it hard to read my Bible, kinda like it almost hurts to read it.
Tiffany suggested that I try to read Ecclesiastes. Let me tell you, the book doesn't have a very happy tone to it. It talks about how everything is meaningless. However I did find some hope in the third chapter. It talks about how there is a time for every season under the heaven. Actually 3:4 says "A time to cry and time laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance" it gave me hope. I know that this season in my life has a purpose and there will be dancing again.
Hope is something that I have been running short on but it seems that God has been pouring it on me every time I feel like giving up. I went to a show this past week. I almost didn't go but in the end I had already paid for my ticket and I knew I could always slip out early if I wanted. It turned out to be one of the best shows I had been to in a long time and it made me feel normal. Normal is something that has seemed like a far off dream but nights like I had the other night give me hope. I saw some good conversations that night and I heard somethings I needed to hear both in the form of talking and in song. Just another sign to show me God still hears me when I pray.