Tuesday, October 18, 2005
In life we all make mistakes.
Mistakes are a very common thing, some are big and others are small - be it wearing yellow or blowing off someone truly amazing to screwing up college plans. They came in all shapes and sizes just like people. I seem to be very good at making them and just screwing up in general. I'm not perfect and I don't clam to be. I tend to better at learning things the hard way... like skipping class to get high is a bad idea and could very well have played a part in why I failed my Algebra I class freshman year. Maybe that's a little extreme but you get the idea. I was so sure my choice not to go to college this year was the best choice for me but now I'm starting to think I screwed up again. I hate feeling like I've failed in some way. I want so badly to so something with my life... the last year of my life I got so caught up in proving a handful of teachers and that counselor wrong that I feel as though I lost sight of me. I used to have this plan of where I saw myself in a year, in 5 years and in 10 years and then I threw it all out the window. I understand that I am taking a leap of faith but for me a leap of faith is a hard thing. Trusting God is a very hard thing for me to do and I'm trying to work on it and work through those problems I have. My mom keeps telling me to find my passion in life and do something with it. She says she sees me working with computers or kids or something along those lines. I can't. I couldn't work for a tech support at a company... after re-formatting the 5th hard drive in a day I would want to kill someone and kids drive me crazy after the few hours of being around them. I feel as though I need something will change day to day because when I am bored I get annoying (I know that's hard for you to believe). The classes I enjoyed most in school where the ones that we never the same... the ones where one day you have book work and the next day the teacher had an open discussion and then the next day you went outside and did something in the sun and the next day you had no clue what you where going to do and the teacher was crazier than you. I need something like that - where I don't know what the day will bring. I guess if anyone reads this what I really need is prayer.