I feel like it is important to stress
that my dream didn't die. It may seem that way with me having to move
back to Georgia, and not getting to finish BSSD, but it didn't die.
Plans and dreams both change sometimes and I'm on a journey with God
that I wouldn't change if you paid me. I didn't give my dreams up
when I moved back to Georgia either, nor did I give up on my dreams,
nor do I count this as a failure.
Did it suck? Yes, it did. Did it hurt?
Very much so, but you know what? I've learned to move through my pain
and not get stuck in the suckyness of what happened. I'm here for a
reason and even though I don't know the whole reason yet, I'm going
to enjoy my time here. I'm not going to lock myself in my room and
not move forward. I don't view this as a bump in the road, but God
sending me where I need to be, and that this is a chapter in my story
that is supposed to happen.
I don't fully know why I am here but I
do know that I still have dreams and they didn't end with me coming
back – God knows what my dreams are and He keeps reminding me to
trust Him and so I will. I'm a dreamer at my very core and this
hasn't stopped me from dreaming or wanting to go after those dreams.
I still fully believe that I was supposed to move to Cali when I did,
and that I heard God right, and that I obeyed. Maybe that was the
lesson, obedience. I still don't fully understand and I may never
fully understand.
Some amazing things have happened since
moving back. I got to go to a conference put on by some of my
favorite speakers and I gained a lot from being there. I got to hear
some new speakers, and I learned a great deal from being there, and I
made new friends. I also got loved on and reminded that I wasn't a
failure, which even though I know this, I still need the reminder
from time to time. I got to see dear, dear church family and was
reminded by my Mor and Far that I am not a disappointment, it's
something that I know in my head but my heart is a little behind at
times.
Last week, I got to hold an amazing
girl and remind her that she is loved. I won't go into all the gory
details about what happened, but if that was the only reason why God
wanted me back here it was worth it. I wish I could take all the pain
away, but I know God is working her pain into something so beautiful
that she is going to change the world. Again, if the only reason why
I was needed her was to hold her while she cried and tell her the
truth about the truth, it was worth it.
Sunday, one of my best friends got
engaged and I was able to celebrate with her after it happened! I'm
so happy and excited for her!!! I'm glad I am here to be apart of it.
They are such an amazing couple and I am so blessed that the bride to
be is one of my closet friends. I don't know what I would have done
without her this past year. She was one of the first people that I
spilled some of the things that I had kept locked away on and she has
pushed toward healing and cheered me on as I have moved forward.
She's also been a shoulder to cry on and one who has given me pep
talks when I have needed them. I can't wait for July 13th
to come so I can see her walk down the isle!
I'm settling in and still looking for a
job, I found a small part time job and I start on Monday. It's still
unclear what my next step will be but I'm going to be here through
the summer at the very least. After that, who knows?
No comments:
Post a Comment